Why is life such a load of old BEEP?!

Can anyone answer this question?! Because I’m finding it hard to find a answer!!

Today brought light.

Today was..peaceful? Since the whole hypnosis thing, I’ve seen life in a different way. Interesting..

Light. Walking down the street with the birds singing, people humming, and the light..lighting?

Lets hope the rest of the week continues in this new way..

Lets see what today brings…

Ok. It’s 7,30am and I’m eating breakfast. I’m going to leave in about 20minutes. Lets see what today brings..

Monday Monday. Hate it.

Woke up this morning thinking it was Sunday, then something clicked in my head and I realised it was Monday. How unfortunate.

Monday means it’s the beginning of another long and boring week. 5 days of just dull crap. 1 day ( Saturday) slaving and earning money. And then 1 day..resting. That 1 day resting is Sunday of course. Oh I do love the week. Not.

Next Wednesday I have an English exam, and another exam in English the following Wednesday. 

Between now and the 17th any work I’ll do at home will be English revision, fuck all the other subjects. After English, I’ll stress about my Catering exam which is in April. Oh what fun.

Acceptance and Effort not always good..

Acceptance and Effort aren’t always good things. Like you might accept something, but that doesn’t mean its good because you accepted it. Effort, you might put a bad effort in, and then there’s no point is there?

It’s probably obvious, but it’s just a thought…

Tuna Pasta in a Tomato Sauce

Okay, so today I was hungry and decided to make a simple lunch. It’s quick and easy, here’s the recipe.

Tuna pasta in a tomato sauce

Ingredients

• 1 small onion
• 1 can of peeled/chopped tomatoes ( 400g)
• Tablespoon tomato puree
• tablespoon garlic puree
• pinch of salt
• pinch of black pepper
• Tin of tuna (200g)
• Pasta (penne)
• Your choice of herbs to garnish
  

Method

1. Chop onion into small pieces and soften in a pan for 5 minutes.
2. Stir in tomato’s, garlic puree and tomato puree. Simmer for minutes.
3. Stir in tuna, salt and pepper and leave to simmer for 10 – 15 minutes.
4. Follow instruction on the pasta and cook.
5. Serve up, and enjoy.
   

Acceptance and Effort.

Yeah. Ok so I’m thinking about this whole Acceptance and Effort, it really is quite..to the point. You know to me it’s right.

Life is about accepting things, and it takes effort to accept these things and to change them ( if they need changing).

I need to accept that I have work to do, and need to push myself.  I suppose it is ok to have lazy days, but if lazy days are your whole life then what’s the point. Keep busy, do the things that need doing. When you’ve done them, you might feel a little better. Or if you have nothing to do then, just accept it and if you want to change things, then this is really where effort comes in.

I hope that makes sense. It might and it might not. I’m just saying what comes off my head.

Next week, next month, I’ve got exams, lots of revision.. Hoping to join the gym today and if not today then tomorrow. Only problem is that I can only use the gym between 9am and 5pm. But, I get home at like 4..so that doesn’t leave me much time. Saturday’s I work, and Sunday’s are free days so yeah..

I think I’m slim, so I just want to tone up. The lady said that they have personal trainers, and they can give you exercises to do so that you can achieve your goal. Ha. I was a bit..what’s the word? Ermm not keen? Ahh what the heck, yeah I wasn’t to keen on the idea of joining the YMCA. Why? Well simply because the one near me has a few dodgy looking people, that sit outside the centre.

Anyway, that’s it.

Goals and plans for the next month.

• Work hard, revise hard, do well in the exams.
• Join the gym
• Socialize a bit more.

No point adding lots to the list otherwise I might just, crumble to pieces and yell “I can’t do any of this!”

Okay that’s stupid saying that, but yeah that’s how it is…

Distractions and work.

What’s wrong with me now? It’s 12:24 and I haven’t started my Science work.

I keep saying “I’m going to do it in a minute” and then I’ll get distracted. I know I need to do it, and if I just have a lazy day today, well, then I would’ve lost out.

So far this morning, I’ve woken up, watched CSI, had something to eat, tried tidying up, hung up some washing and obviously done a bit of blogging…

Different? Change?

Right so this morning I woke up at about 9, but I felt so confused?

I don’t know exactly. Yesterday was about Hypnosis, trying different sessions. But this morning I just felt different to how I normally feel on a Sunday morning.

In a month and twenty days, I’ll be a year older. But what’s changed? So much has happened in the last year, but I feel the same. Nothing is really different.

Ha. I did a hypnosis session on Loneliness yesterday, that got me thinking.

Even this, blogging, feels strange. I’ve had blogs before, but yesterday I just felt that it was time to make another. Somewhere to express some feelings, a little diary maybe to note how life is supposedly changing for the better? I don’t know.

Confused? Not knowing how I feel. I really question myself sometimes. “How are you?” I respond, “I’m fine.” But I’m not am I? If I was fine, I wouldn’t be in this mess. Or would I?

I have so much work to do, revision, essays, exams coming up. “I can do it” I might say to myself. I want to do well in life, you know education, work, etc. But sometimes it’s hard to even see 1 year from now.

Sometimes I have mad moments like I don’t know how to explain, but.. Ahh. Changing who you are so that you can fit in? I’m different. Or at least I think I am. I look at people around me sometimes, and ask myself why I turned out the way I am. I don’t know.

I don’t know anything. Tomorrow will be a new month, new week, a chance to try to be good I guess.

What can I do?

Ha. What is it they say? “I’m on the road to recovery..” or something like that.

To be honest I don’t know what I’m on the road to. It’s Sunday now. 28th February. Tomorrow is the start of the third month of the year.

And what’s changed? Nothing. I’m waiting, waiting, waiting.

I will try some of the hypnosis today, keep my spirits up. Motivating me.

Ahh.